One of my best friends is a skilled finish carpenter. I believed the only reason why he was and I wasn’t was that he had more experience. Ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! In order to get myself closer to his level, I’d start all sorts of projects. I would start them, get stuck, call Mikey and he’d come bail me out. Because Mikey is the kind of friend who does stuff like that.
In a moment of sheer delusion, I decided that I was going to put some cove moulding up in a room. I got the first piece up and was feeling pretty good about myself. All I needed to do next was get the correct angle on the…but wait…how does…”Hi, Mikey? Can you take a look and tell me what I’m doing wrong?”
Mikey walked into the room, looked at the piece of moulding I so proudly put up and said, “Well, your first problem is that it’s upside down.” I felt like Charlie Brown after he tried to hang an ornament on his janky Christmas tree. “Everything I touch gets ruined.” I sulked down to the garage and watched Mikey measure, measure again, use a coping saw, abracadabra and I swear it seemed like he was done in about 20 minutes. What I noticed was he was always planning a cut or two ahead, like he was playing chess.
When I expressed my intense frustration at realizing that my brain does not work that way, Mikey, the wise sage that he is, replied, “Well, there’s no way I could stand in front a bunch of people and sing and play guitar. We’re all different.” It finally clicked. We’re all wired differently. And I am undoubtedly not wired like Bob Vila. Or Mikey, for that matter.
Which brings us to this photo. We’re now 7 days away from getting our house on the market. For the last 4 weeks, I’ve been replacing hinges and door knobs, hanging doors, installing new smoke detectors and light fixtures — the stuff that I can handle, but paddling against the current all the while. I told Mindy that it’s like I’m a bad golfer, I don’t particularly like playing golf, yet I’m being forced to play golf every day for a month straight.
As part of our master bathroom remodel, we’re installing a light fixture over each of the two vanity sinks. The first one was a piece of cake. This one, not so much. I’l spare you the details, but after two trips to Home Depot, two hours of effort and a string of obscenities, this is how it looks. When my sub comes back to install the toilet and the last of the trim, I’ll ask him to install it. ‘Cause I’m not wired this way.